Being able to ‘figure out’ a person’s perspective is considered by some to be an essential skill in navigating business and personal relationships.
However, after 20 years of psycho-spiritual exploration, I have to conclude it’s a broken practice…prone to so much misunderstanding, misgivings, and conflict. Some of the most atrocious examples of human behaviors I’ve witnessed are based on our figuring-out of another’s perspective.
Prejudice, sexism, racism, and genocide have their roots, in my opinion, distorted assumptions of the perspective of other groups. Personally speaking, the vast majority of reads I received from others, even if literally true on some level, are quite myopic and partial, and the vast majority of reads I’ve made of others were clearly myopic partial-truths of my own. It feels invasive when our perspective is “figured out”, and people generally don’t trust someone who they feel is “figuring them out”.
Being upfront — these partial reads include people who are known to be spiritual masters, intuits, and healers…and myself, who I consider a somewhat ‘aware’ individual. I don’t feel any of us are above it all.
What’s going on? For one, it’s damned near impossible to see past our own projections…and perhaps truly impossible. There’s another issue at play here — something pointing to the whole act of “reading into” someone as being a limited process. Reading another is a form of judgment…and judgments are by nature, limitations. Limitations are an expression of fear, in some way, shape, or form…taking the form of control.
Ironically enough, when we try to “read into” or “figure out” another human being’s perspective, we are trying to control them by fitting them into our box in our mind — often because we are not secure with our own possible responses, and the possibilities latent in someone else. We aren’t allowing for other interpretations when in actuality there are infinite interpretations.
So…What’s the answer? What’s the higher response?
Well, first of all it isn’t to completely discard our ‘figuring out’ altogether. There is partial validity in them, and it’s a starting point. We see what we want to see, let’s make no mistake — but that said, it’s still important to own what we see. The second is to still be sensitive. It isn’t about being blind to the other person’s feelings or perceptions either.
What it IS about is seeing the other person — but seeing them simply at face value. Doing so actually allows, I have found, ironically, their highest potential to shine through. Why?We are given freedom to allow for higher interpretations of their words or actions to unfold.
Focusing on the face value of their expression, front and center, allows human dialog and interaction to be spontaneous co-creations of new possibilities, moving past cycles of manipulation, suspicion, control, limitation, presumption and judgment.
Sometimes it’s tougher than others…way tougher…but our capacity to allow people the freedom and support to discover their highest self is perhaps the most valuable gift we can offer each other as human beings, and perhaps the very definition of love itself.
Ranjeeth Thunga
rkt@perspectivemapper.com
(Note: Seeing people at face value is being “unassuming”, not “naive”. This topic will be another article.)