I’m going to look at a recent experience under the microscope to highlight the place of both courtesy and self interest:
I was waiting in line at the local baggage counter, and a woman simply walked right in front of me and called upon the attendant for her bags. I was a little miffed so I called her out on that, and she went back to her place. Then hardly a minute later, she went in front of me again and called the attendant for her bags. I called her out again, and she went back in place again. Then a minute later, it happened yet again. I actually yelled at her, creating an awkward moment for everyone.
So what was going on? Let me start by saying I am in India, though I am originally from the US. Let me also say that this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time, this has happened so blatantly. There ultimately seems to be different cultural perspectives involved on courtesy vs. self-interest.
In India, especially in larger cities, there are millions of people clamoring for service. There is no systematic safety net here looking out for people. While social service programs are getting started, for the most part, if you or your family have no money, you basically starve and die. If you aren’t looking out for you and your family, no one else will. Thus, the mentality here is very much self or family-interest. From her perspective, I assume, if she didn’t get her baggage, no system (ie. a queue) will ensure she gets it for her. She had to exert her initiative, and this mentality is burned deep in her system.
From my perspective, I have somewhat more trust in protocols. If I eventually wait my turn in line, I expect to be served, and everyone will be served, in proper order. That’s been my experience for the most part. She didn’t trust protocol, for good reason, and I did, for good reason.
Whose right? Well, it comes down to what I wrote last time about respecting perspectives – it’s essential to assert our perspective, so long as we don’t trample on others. In her case, her self-initiative was certainly not a bad quality – she wanted to see to it she got served. The problem came from trampling on others in the process.
What would be an alternate behavior? If she was genuinely in a rush, she could request those in front of her to let her get her bags first. She could even have unilaterally stated that was what she was doing. I sense I would have admired that. However, by simply brushing past me and others, she trampled on our experience, and had to be totally called out.
Ranjeeth Thunga
@pov_mapper