So much of our behavior is motivated by trying to achieve our needs. Yet, it eventually gnaws at our soul. The healthy solution is to share our value. In this audio, I share the difference between using others and sharing our value in this world. This can make a great difference in our level of interpersonal satisfaction.
How we unhealthily USE people?
o We focus on GETTING, not SHARING. *
o We are looking to SATISFY our cravings, needs, or aversions.
o We are expecting something back.
o We don’t care about other person, only our needs getting met.
o We try to fix an outcome, since we don’t trust what will happen.
o We are very much attached to certain results.
o Person is “means to an end”…doesn’t really matter who they are. (e.g. ‘someone hot’ to fuck, ‘someone soft’ to listen to our problems, ‘someone rich’ to take us out, ‘someone lonely’ to be our friend)
o We will feel hurt, abused, spent, ashamed, shitty, cold, zombie-like.
o We usually justify ‘using’ with an explanation or rationalization. (e.g. I gotta take care of my needs, I gotta pay my bills, I gotta have this experience, etc.)
o Our perspective NARROWS.
o Our ability to appreciate diversity in others shrinks.
o The lower our self-worth, the more we are drawn to being used, or using someone, to address our needs.
o Being used and using others is actually the same thing…and the same person.
How to healthily SHARE with someone:
o We focus on the SHARING, not GETTING. *
o Our intention is to freely offer GIFTS to each other, in the form sharing feelings, desires, insights, or perspectives.
o We share gifts, not trash.
o We trust in the process.
o Though we might prefer certain outcome, we don’t expect certain result.
o Joy comes from the sharing process itself.
o The other person is special, not just anybody.
o We care deeply about who we are sharing with.
o We feel more expressed, joyful, felt, visible, loved, happy.
o We don’t justify what we share. We just share what our heart tells us to share.
o Our perspective BROADENS.
o Our ability to appreciate diversity of others expands.
o The higher our self-worth, the more we are drawn to sharing gifts with people, and receiving gifts from others, to enjoy process of living and growing.
o Person who freely shares gifts and receives gifts from others is the same thing..and the same person.