Real Kindness vs. Fake Niceness

Nothing can be as heart melting and soul touching as genuinely kind behavior. When we experience real compassion, our judgment drops, our barriers come down, and we get a glimpse of otherworldly beauty, within our human existence.

But sometimes this doesn’t happen. We sometimes don’t trust or let in kindness. We might associate it with with naivety or weakness. We see how it can masquerade as different things in different ways. Justiably so in many cases…

  • Why are we being nice? We might use it as a shell to protect themselves and their true feelings. It’s an image we put up to look good, hiding our real feelings underneath…but such niceness is weak.
  • Other times, it’s because we have an ulterior motive. We might be nice to get something. It could be money, attention, favor, or status. The moment we stop getting it, our niceness goes away. Such niceness is not real.
  • Even other times, we might be nice simply out of habit. It’s how we were taught to behave…and we don’t know better. Such niceness is ignorant.

But, just because there are so many false forms of niceness doesn’t diminish the value of real kindness.

How to tell?

Simply put, real kindness is unconditional.

Real kindness applies when we are happy or stressed. When we feel confident or insecure. When we feel disturbed or at peace. When we even like the other person or don’t. When we are praised or attacked.

It applies what we feel when people are around or no one is about.

It’s not always easy. We don’t hesitate to be nice to those who can offer us money, security, and standing. And it’s taken as obvious to be kind to young kids, physically disabled folks and the elderly. But especially touching is kindness towards those who might consider our outcasts, the troubled, our enemies, or even those who do evil.

Kindness towards those that might churn up difficult, conflicting feelings within us…

Kindness towards those we don’t even want to be kind to…

But therein lies the whole secret, doesn’t it? If we’re able to be kind with everyone, then we know our kindness is real.

If we’re not…then we gotta be brutally honest with ourselves that our kindness is at least partially an image or façade we keep up, which fools others, or worse, ourselves.

But of course, even that’s ok, as it’s essential to be kind to ourselves as well. 🙂 Only then can we work through this… see through this… as we’re all in this together.

The age of putting our perspectives as supreme and our desire to put ourselves above others is coming to an end. Genuine kindness, reaching out to our fellow human being, across the party line or across the battle line — the time is ripe and ready quality for cultivation, and the real gift we can offer each other as human beings.

Perspective Mapper
Ranjeeth Thunga

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