We have thousands of influences in our modern life, in the form of mentors, friends, colleagues, family members, and teachers. How do we tease them apart to know which ones are actually good for us, and which ones are not?
And how do we do our best to be healthy influences for others?
We have to go a bit deeper to uncover. But the distinction is crystal clear…if we are ready to honestly face the truth.
Healthy influences are ones where the other has faith in us the deepest level. They are in-tune with our core, feel our core, and strengthen our connection to our own core. They might seem disagreeable, stern or distant, or gentle, inviting and playful. That’s not the point. If they truly believe in us (and not just because they tell us they do), they are healthy influences.
Toxic influences are ones where the other does not have faith in us at the deepest level. They are not in-tune with our core, do not feel our core, and weaken our connection to core. They might be rude, ignorant, or arrogant. Or they might seem to be helpful, fun and soothing. Doesn’t matter. If they don’t actually believe in us, they are toxic influences.
Mind you, toxic influences are not necessarily bad people. They are simply human, with a mix of healthy and toxic. Also, we must be cognizant it goes both ways. We ourselves provide a mix of healthy and toxic influences to those around us.
In addition, there is a whole study of what that means ‘believe in someone’. That’s another discussion. For now trust your intuition what this means, reflecting a bit on what is actually in each of us at the core…
All that said however, we should never be confused what is and isn’t healthy and what is and isn’t toxic. We might get pressured to misperceive toxic as healthy, or might through impulse misperceive healthy as toxic. But with slight pause, the distinction between both becomes absolutely clear. Conscious relationship is shaping our environment, and choosing our influences, with the razor sharp distinction of what influences to soak in, and what influences to leave aside.
Perspective Mapper firstname.lastname@example.org